Welcome to your new home, I am truly glad you have landed here!
Over the past years, I have worked with many individuals who have relocated from their home countries to new places – first in the UK as an expat myself, and now as a returned local in Germany. One thing all expats seem to share? Strong emotions. So, if you’re reading this and nodding along, know that you are not alone!
Relocating can be a choice, an opportunity, a necessity, or all of the above. No matter what brought you here, most expats will find the first few months the hardest. Many of my clients have found me during that period of time, others come later, realizing they hadn’t allowed themselves to process the emotional impact earlier.
Expat Loneliness & Community
A recurring theme in our conversations is loneliness, especially before finding a sense of community. It does not help that in Germany, the term friend is reserved for a select few, and the transition from acquaintance to friend can feel like a marathon. For many expats, this slow progression is confusing and isolating. But fear not: once you have passed what feels like a trial period, German friends will show up at 6 am to help you move a sofa. Loyalty runs deep.
Please also have a look at this video explaining why loneliness is such a common problem for us as human beings.
Work Culture & Communication
Another common challenge is navigating workplace dynamics, particularly around praise and feedback. In some regions of Germany, there exist sayings that roughly translate to: Not being punished is enough praise. There you have it: praise is a relatively new concept here, and many Germans struggle with it due to their own upbringing. Relatedly, feedback feels inauthentic and too American to many Germans, which is why they stay clear of it altogether, or try and apply the sandwich technique they just learned about, in a not too helpful way. What may sound harsh is often just a reflection of Germany’s cultural value for clear, direct communication, without the sugar-coating. The upside is that you will rarely be lied to. Following this pattern, Germans will tell you if you do things wrong, so if they say nothing, accept that you are doing well.
Language Learning for Expats
Let’s move on to the German language; arguable one of the more difficult Western languages to learn. If you’re struggling, you’re in excellent company: many bright, outspoken, confident expats feel the same. Many expats have expressed to me how hard it is to learn German, not only due to the very specific grammatical rules, but also because of the hurdles that
- Germans often switch to English quickly, cutting your chance to practice short.
- German locals have a hard time understanding accents.
- Germans love to correct even tiny mistakes, which will result in many expats feeling discouraged and giving up.
The background here is again the German upbringing that values perfection over progress, and the direct communication style that can feel non-empathetic. That said, bigger cities like Berlin and Hamburg tend to be more forgiving, with a higher tolerance for accented German thanks to their diverse populations. And hey, it could be worse! If you had moved to France, it is widely perceived that anything less than perfect French might be completely ignored.
Bureaucracy
Ah, German bureaucracy. Let me be clear: it annoys us Germans most of all. While much of the world has embraced digitalization, Germany seems to have doubled down on paper forms and procedural complexity. Even after five years back in Germany, I’m still receiving forms related to my US husband.
My best advice? Germany’s love-hate relationship for their bureaucracy will not go anywhere anytime soon, so find a German helper or invest in a lawyer. It’s a sanity-saving move that many expats swear by.
If any of this resonates, I would love to hear your story. You are not alone, and you do not have to navigate this transition without support. Thank you again for being here and making Germany that much better!
Warmly,
PS: If you’re wondering how to ease the transition and feel more grounded, here are some tried-and-tested strategies that have helped many of my clients:
- Connect with other expats via Meetup, InterNations, and nebenan.de.
- Move your body, meet your people by joining a gym, yoga studio, or dance class (the language of movement is universal).
- Explore your local Volkshochschule (these community colleges offer affordable classes and excursions; some now in English).
- Take a German language class and make new connections (your local Volkshochschule likely offers the most budget-friendly options).
- Say Yes to invitations (even when you are tired).
- Get outside to ground yourself (parks, forests, and lakes are mostly free and you will likely bump into others doing the same).
- Attend local events (it does not need to be the Octoberfest, try flea markets or film festivals).
- Find a therapist who speaks your native language and has experience being an expat.
Curious to learn more?
Explore additional insights and tools on my blog and website.